Well, it's not even so much of a delay as almost a whole new life I'm writing from now because it's been so very long since I've last written. About a year now I would suppose! I used to be such a faithful blogger (at least once every other day if not more!) while I was in the Philippines, but then I came back to the U.S, and I became a mentor. For some reason, I just didn't feel it was appropiate to share the intimate details of my mentee's lives online...
Anyway, I am writing on the weekend of graduation of my girls. It has been a fun, challenging, wonderful, sometimes hard year, but one that I know has grown and stretched me more than I could have ever imagined. I am so thankful for how it has brought me to a place of even deeper desire for God and readiness to go, do, or wait and stay as He calls.
The pressures continue to abound as to the next step in life, sometimes they are from outside sources, well meaning people in my life who want to know the next step, but other times they stem from my own anxious heart that still has a hard time with the "be still and wait for Him" part. I have always (well for most of my life) been ready and willing to go, but not so excited about the waiting part. It's funny to think that God doesn't do things the way that we expect Him to, and so that means that when we think we are ready, he says we are not, and we need to stay. It's not that he wants to frustrate me with the process, instead he knows the big picture and knows that His plans for me far exceed anything I can plan or imagine.
I am getting married in less than 1 month now, and that to me blows my mind. This time last year, I had just been dating Cullen for one week! And now I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I am so blessed. Once again, by my simple obedience to coming back to Bethany, moving back into the dorms that I lived in before as a student when what I really wanted to do was to be overseas delivering babies and taking care of poverty stricken mothers, I was blessed beyond measure. I had no idea that my coming back to the U.S. at that time would mean marriage in just 1 short (and yet looooong) year! It would be so much easier to obey if I knew the blessings that are in store for me, however, if we knew the trials that lay ahead would I also be so quick to obey?
I am in the middle of stressed out madness, busy beyond belief, but in everything God is good and faithful. I wonder though how brides handle the planning process if they don't enjoy planning parties or events? I do enjoy that kind of thing - or I did before I decided to try and plan a "party" for 350 people, maintain and grow a healthy relationship with my fiancee, love God, love my family, love my girls (all 7 of them!), nanny and do all the things that mentors do. If it can burn me out, I feel sorry for those who are not planners by nature.
I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I vary between being excited that it is finally visible to being anxious that it is approaching too quickly and I just don't have enough done or figured out yet! Now is the time for little details, and as much fun as it is to figure it out, I would enjoy it so much more if I had more than 24 hours in one day :)
See, now most of you probably have stopped reading by now, and I don't blame you, but as I type I realize just how soothing this is, and how much pressure it can relieve just to write out what is pent up inside rather than trying to find room for it there. And besides, it has been about a year since my last post, so I don't feel too bad.
I go on the mentor retreat tomorrow, and I am very excited about that, it will be a time of fellowship where the old mentors are able to pass on the baton to the new ones who are excited to take our place. After this week, I have a day and a half off before I start my new full time job as the kitchen PT supervisor! It's really because I'm a glutton for punishment I think that I've accepted a job that gives me full time hours for 2 weeks before my wedding, gives me the week before my wedding and one week after off and then back! It is a new exciting adventure that I am truly excited to venture out on, but the timing is crazy. The reason why I have to start now is because the new students (BCOM) arrive on August 24th, and Leah needs me in the position to be completely trained and prepared to accept them and work with them for a week so they know me before I take two weeks off for the wedding. Phew. Good thing I work well under pressure! I've only had 3 or so meltdowns since I've been planning this wedding since February - the unfortunate part is that Cullen has borne the brunt of those, but he still loves me, and for that I count my many blessings.
And here, I will end for now. I hope to blog more often in the weeks to come.
